4 letters

Just 4 letters. 4 certain letters which, when arranged in a certain order, form one certain word, and that word totally defines me. It's my name, and I find it incredible how this simple arrangement of 4 letters - that I didn't even choose - defines so much of me.

If I meet someone with my name, I feel an instant connection to them. If I end up disliking that person, however, I really dislike them all the more - I feel like they're disgracing the name, MY name. I judge people so much more highly if they're an ambassader of my name, my 4 letters.

I recently read an article about a woman with my name who stopped a man who had stolen someone's purse. I was filled with a fierce sense of pride - look what MY NAME can do! And then last night on the evening news, a young girl with my name was killed in a car crash. Though I don't know the girl at all and she didn't even live in my city, I felt so awful hearing that. No one deserves to die like that, but in my mind, she especially didn't. She holds my name, and so her pain was, briefly, my pain.

It's only 4 letters, but it's so important. It's the way I'm introduced to people, the way I'm initially different from everybody else, and it really is my identity. Those 4 letters carry my entire life, and I'm so attached to them. Without those letters, without that one small word... I would just be a nameless human being in a sea of faces, but at least my name, my 4 letters, are something to hold on to. In my life, in my world, to all my friends and family, they define me.

There have been times when I've met people, given them my name, and they've said "Oh! I know a girl with your name! She [liked this, disliked that, had this hobby, etc.] Are you the same way?" After just 4 letters, they formed an automatic idea of me. If they didn't have my name, they'd have to formulate their conclusions from who I am rather than the 4 letters that sum it all up.

So maybe it's not as important as I've thought. I've felt connected to people without ever knowing their name, or them knowing mine. I guess it's another handle to hold on to someone by.

But that's my deep musings for the day.

~~~

"Wow, that was a big word! I'm impressed!"
"Thanks! Yeah, I like to think I have a broad... uh... mm..."
"Vocabulary?"
"Yeah, that's the one."